(This is in response to a series of actions i made as well as one damn long message that probably turned out to be anything but concise)
I think i may have let my stubbornness get the best of me this time…..
Over the past 24 hours I’ve learned quite a bit about myself and how not so smart or reasonable of a person i previously thought i was. It’s funny to think that much of what i learned originated from a conversation i had with my father over a movie that made me quite uneasy. The movie itself is quite irrelevant this blog but the conversation that was brought forth by it was quite interesting due to how damning true it was that i had made a mistake.
It’s funny how much of a role my pride plays in who i am. So much in fact that at times i hate to admit there’s even problems. Coming away from this whole ordeal I’ve managed to realize that it’s not always smart to think about how a situation could possibly benefit you more than how it may appear to others. I say this to mean that sometimes those who try to cover their ass end up showing the most in the end.
Right now It’s a strange feeling to have two sets of conflicting emotions going on inside me. My gut is telling me that i should do the right thing and apologize to those who i deceived…. but my Pride is telling me to act as if everything is alright and to move on. It’s very unnerving to know that there’s two sides to the fence i’m walking on and that each of these reactions will ultimately take me down a different path i’m unlikely to go back on.
So after it all, i think i know which choice i should make…. Right now i feel the best move is to keep most of this information to myself because in a way it truly shows how introspective i am, so much to a point that i believe others might be overwhelmed by this and see it as complete insanity. The problem with that option is that i would essentially be caving into the fear of being judged upon….one fear that i think I’ve become accustomed to not worrying about (and having no fucks to give).
While i know what my options are I’m still not sure what i’ll to do in the end. I can either choose to wait for the right moment in time or i can throw caution to the wind and accept whatever outcome i receive. The worst part about this is that I feel like I’ve traveled down each of these roads before and neither of them ended up being as appealing as they were at first glance…..Looks like I’ve got some thinking to do….
….But for now i can settle with the fact that everything is back to normal (i think?) in the emotional spectrum of my mind.
In conclusion, I say all of this to say (Ending Comment): Rule #26 – Don’t let your Pride or your Stubbornness keep you from missing out on experiences.
P.S…..I’m starting to suspect that my next door neighbor is a drug dealer….that or he likes to throw gigantic circle jerk parties…